Sorry this one is a little late in the day.  We just got back from a movie, and I’ll talk a little more about that later.  Today I’m using (as always) The Wildwood Tarot.

In the past position, we have the Page of Arrows (Swords).  So we’ve studied and researched, and we’ve laid good foundations for a goal we want to reach.  We had the drive to go for what we wanted.

In the present position, we have The Stag, which corresponds to Justice in a traditional tarot.  So we’re really being asked to consider what we’re doing and how we move in the world.  We need to examine our motives and make sure that we’re trying to work for the highest good at all times.  We need to make decisions that count, for the right reasons, and accept the consequences for wrong actions.

In the future position, we have The World Tree reversed.  The World Tree corresponds to The World in traditional tarot, and it means that we will achieve our goals.  However, in the reversed position, we obviously won’t achieve our goals, or it will be much more difficult to do so.  So we’ve done the studying, we’re spending time thinking about doing the right thing and being good, just people, so why won’t we reach our goal?  Maybe there’s a karmic lesson in that.  Maybe we aren’t meant to get what we want at this time.  Also, The Stag has an association with the Environment, and maybe The World Tree being reversed means that we need to really focus on environmental matters right now.  The World is definitely turning upside down, in a climate sense, in a political sense, in a social sense, and we really need to focus on the present, on Justice/The Stag, to make sure that we’re doing the right thing.

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That message is very important, and something I could really stand to absorb.  I’ve been locked inside my own head for the last 6 weeks or so.  Yes, I’ve had a lot going on, and yes, I do deal with some mental illness problems, so there’s good reason, but I need to let go of that cycle and try to focus outward again.

We saw Swiss Army Man with some friends earlier, and it was a really beautiful, really sad movie.  It had a lot to say about connection/disconnection and social isolation, with healthy splash of mental illness.  3 of us really liked the movie and connected to it in a personal way.  1 member of our party didn’t ‘get it’.  And I was glad he didn’t get it.  Because that means that he has never felt so lonely that he got stuck inside his own head and told himself stories to combat the isolation.  He’s a healthy, happy person, and I’m glad for him.

Connection is a tricky thing.  Over the past few weeks, I lost a connection with a family member who died, lost a connection with my partner when we broke up, lost a literal connection when my phone died, and reevaluated some connections with ‘friends’ who haven’t really talked to me much lately.  I can count on one hand the people who have asked me how I’m doing lately.  The truth is, I haven’t been doing well.  Not well at all.  I even tried to tell one person how I was feeling and how strung out I was when stepdad was dying and he actually changed the subject to make it about him.  I’ve been realizing that there are some people who just ‘get it’ and some who don’t.

I want people in my life who ‘get it’.  I feel like we all deserve the kinds of connections where we can really let our hair down, be ourselves, and speak from the heart.  My connection with Bear is like that, and I’m eternally grateful for that.  I want more of that in my life.  I want to foster the deep friendships, the friendships with people who still love you when you ugly cry.  The people who know your issues and don’t think any less of you.  I want people who can let it be about me for just a bit, and then we can let it be about them for a bit.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

(There’s one person who actually reads my posts and messages me often, and I want to take a moment and say that I really appreciate that.  You know who you are, you sexy beast.  🙂

As far as poly goes, I’m still too strung out to bother.  There’s one person I have a lot of feelings for, but it’s just not going to happen.  So I need to disconnect from those feelings and reconnect with myself.  I need to make myself a better Amie so that I won’t care so much.  And then, one day, when I’m strong and happy, I might be able to give energy to someone else again.  For now, Bear gets it all.  <3

Blessed be, and take care of each other.